Do What Brings YOU Peace
Unfortunately this should go without saying…but do what is best for YOU!
I’m writing this blog post because I’m not only talking to myself but I hope to help other women who struggle with doing what’s right for themselves, aka people pleasing!
Have you noticed that it is SOOO easy to people please?
If you’re not familiar with the term people pleasing, it means a person who has an emotional need to please others often at the expense of his or her own needs and desires.
I’m 100% sure that when you read the definition of a people pleaser you’ll say…This DEFINITELY isn’t me!
Before you count yourself out of being a people pleasing, review this quick checklist below.
You’re a people pleaser if you answer yes to at least 2 of the following questions
-Do you dislike or struggle with saying no?
-Do you often feel resentful?
-Do you fear conflict?
-Do you often pretend to agree with everyone?
-Do you need praise to feel good?
-Do you want everyone to like you?
-Do you often crave validation?
-Do you dislike setting boundaries?
-Do you often ignore your feelings?
I had a whopping 7 “yes” answers to the questions above
Now, tally all your ‘Yes’ answers from the questions above and reflect.
Don’t get me wrong, I already KNEW I was a people pleaser.
But after completing the quiz, I was flabbergasted!
Not only am I a people-pleaser, but I’m a chronic people-pleaser.
Okay…so the real question is….why does any of this matter?
People pleasing doesn’t affect you UNTIL it affects you!
Here is how people-pleasing has affected my life
a. It has made me agree to things I KNOW good and damn well I shouldn’t have said yes to-
This involves relationships, friendships, work related situations, borrowing money and SO much more. In hindsight, I knew I was people-pleasing because when I agreed to these requests, I immediately had that sinking feeling. That’s the feeling that lets you know that there is something wrong…and you should NOT pass GO!
b. It has kept me feeling stuck in situations I shouldn’t have been part of.
I felt stuck because I previously agreed to things I should have said no to. When asked to borrow money, I felt obligated to give it..even if I didn’t have it. I felt obligated to stay in relationships that I knew already “expired”. These are just a FEW of the relevant situations, but I could go ON and ON.
c. It left me feeling the need to prioritize other people’s feelings over mine
By not feeling comfortable saying no, I wasn’t truly able to do what I wanted to do and felt like everyone else’s feelings were more important. If i failed to come through when allowing someone to borrow money, I felt as though I would look undependable. I was worried that if I broke off a relationship, that I would hurt the other person’s feelings. Never mind the fact that I was ignoring my own feelings.
When I tell you this has been the story of my life…!
I knew I was unhappy but honestly, it took FOREVER for me to realize what was happening.
I blamed EVERYTHING and EVERYBODY but myself.
I made statements like
“they’re not a good friend”
“he wasn’t a quality man”
Now, although these statements could have been true,the reality is that these are also behaviors I accepted.
I chose to accept these behaviors from people because I was a people pleaser and struggled to set boundaries.
At this point in my life, I am no longer interested in pleasing any damn body BUT MYSELF!
….and whoever has a problem with this, can shove it!
Tell me your personal experiences with people pleasing in your own life below.
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